How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Fast Food, Slow Death?

The all too familiar story: no time to cook, kids are late for soccer practice and McDonald's is on the way. Since it will not take more than a few minutes to shoot through the drive through we'll do the fast food stop. Or all too familiar story number 2: lunch hour at work and I need to pick up my dry cleaning, fill a prescription, and take the car to get gas and find time to eat. Sure enough Taco Bell is on the way and they have a drive through as well. These real life situations play out for all of us, millions of us, everyday. Since time has become one of our most precious commodities the sacrifice we make is often in our diet.

And yet it does not need to be this way. By following a few healthy practices you can still go to your favorite fast food chain and, 30 years from now, live to tell about it. The key is knowing what to select from the menu and balancing that meal with the rest of the day's food intake.

Choose Your Menu Items With Care

Choose a main dish item that is low in fat. As an example, when faced with the choice of a bacon cheeseburger or a regular hamburger, the regular hamburger wins every time. In the battle of the regular hamburger or the grilled chicken breast sandwich the chicken wins hands down. Why? Here's an example:

Wendy's Ultimate Chicken Grill Sandwich has 360 calories, 7 grams of fat, and 0 trans fat. Compare that to the Wendy's Big Bacon Classic which has 580 calories, 29 grams of fat and 1.5 grams of trans fat. Put either choice with a medium fry and you have added another 440 calories and another 21 grams of fat. Choose, instead, the Baked Potato with Sour Cream and Chive and you add 320 calories and 4 grams of fat – a better choice indeed.

Choose side salads and salad bar vegetables as these provide extra vitamins and add dietary fiber. In addition they fill you up without adding lots of extra calories. Be sure to use low fat or non-fat dressing or better yet, a simple vinaigrette dressing. More dietary fiber can be found in the choice of whole wheat or whole grain buns and rolls.

If your sweet tooth kicks in have fresh fruit or frozen yogurt. Or go for the reduced fat ice cream versus the shake. Again an example, this time from McDonald's: 16 oz. Triple Thick Vanilla Shake has 550 calories and 13 grams of fat. The Vanilla Reduced Fat Ice Cream Cone has 150 calories and only 3.5 grams of fat. Granted the lower calories alternative is not as decadent but it also will not clog your arteries by increasing your cholesterol intake and it will satisfy the sugar craving.

Watch Your Portion Size

Portion control is also a key element to successful fast food dining. Although many restaurants have discontinued the super size trend, most portions are simply more than we need to consume. These large portions look like real value when viewed in the monetary sense but when measured by way of their contribution to weight gain and its complications they are simply not worth it.

Choose the smallest size possible especially if you are having hamburgers or fried foods.

Share large or high items with someone else.

Eat half your order and take the rest home. Yes, I know we are provided to clean our plates because there are children starving in China. At least that's what many mothers over the years have been heard to say. The fact is being a member of the Clean Plate Club will also get you entry into the Fat Club, the High Cholesterol Club, and if your really fortify the Heart Disease Club.

Remember These 3 Key Points

1. Reduce total fat, saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol, and sodium.
2. Increase intake of whole grains
3. Eat more fruits and vegetables

Fast food is one of the great innovations of the 20th century. Here in the 21st century we need to manage how we take advantage of its limitless access. To do so will maintain a balance between food as satisfying fuel that keeps our human engine running and toxic waste that will eventually lead to shorten life spans.

Decreasing Stress by Hiring Limousines For Travelling Long Distances

Cars have become an important part of human life; nowadays it is just impossible to think anything without the role of cars involved with it. People need cars in each and every work that they do; travelling long distances, short trips, attending parties, meetings and lots more. But there are certain disadvantages too; when you travel for long period of time with friends or family, you get exhausted driving the car for such long periods. When you reach the desired location, you get too much tired and cannot enjoy with others. The best option to prevent such situations is to hire a car for taking you to the place you want to go. But, not just any car can give you proper comfort all through the way. So, for a break less, comfortable and easy journey you have to hire a luxurious car like a limousine.

Several car rental companies have grown up in United States and the Longmont limousine is one such company which provides luxurious limos for hiring. When you hire a limousine for travelling long distance, you do not have to take any kind of responsibility. Just make a reservation to any such limo rental company like the Longmont limousine and make preparations at your house. The chauffeur driven limo will arrive at your house at the right time and take you to your destined location. While travelling you can enjoy to the full limit with your friends, you do not have to take the trouble of driving. The comfort you get in the limousines provided by the Longmont limo company will not stress you out.

Apart from the leisure trips, when you have attend any important official meeting in any other city you can hire limos from the Longmont limo company. As you know, that traveling long distances in very stressful and leave you totally exhausted after you reach the destination. If you have to drive for long hours to attend a meeting, you cannot give your optimum performance in the meeting. But if you hire a limo, the chauffeur driven limousine will you pick you up at the right time and take you to your destination. While travelling you can take rest or even prepare for the meeting that you are going to attend. Moreover, travelling in a limousine provided by the Longmont limo car rental company will give you adequate comfort throughout your journey.

The punctuality of the chauffeurs of the Longmont limousine company is noticeable. They arrive at your house at the exact time that you have told them, calculate the total time that they will take to drop you at your destination and take you to the destination. If you are from Denver, you are really lucky to get the services of the Longmont limousine company all throughout the year. But, if you are not from the boulder county, you can search for other car rental companies who can provide you with excellent limousine services. The limousine services have become popular all over United States, most people hire limos for their trips.

Tips For Weight Loss Reexamined

When you hear the word weight loss, the images you conjure up are giving up on food, skipping one meal in a day and trying to bury your hunger in whatever manner you can.

No longer are these true as a means of going for that weight loss you so desire. A lot of things have been redefined and re-examined in the weight loss arena and a lot of old theories of dieting and controlling your hunger are no longer valid. Come to think of these, a lot of these have been even dismissed by medical specialists as dangerous and unhealthy.

So what are your options if you want to lose weight? Well, if you have heard about stories of actresses going on a crash course diet and getting thin in ten days then you have only heard about one side of the story. There are stories which are not told that these actresses suffer from numerous health related issues because of their dieting binge or because of the rapid loss of weight. So better be careful if you are going to pursue weight loss that way.

Do not despairs as there are unhealthy and more meaningful ways of losing weight which will not take you down the unhealthy path. These tips for weight loss will help you lose weight in a manner which is also medically viable and can be sustained by the body. But the fact of the matter that the inner motivation still has to come from you.

The first foremost tip for weight loss is that you should drink lots of water. Drink eight to ten glasses of water everyday. This helps in two ways first you lose excess toxins from the body and secondly your metabolism rate go high. As a corollary to that since you have had so much water you will not be hungry as much as you were earlier. This should be your number one fad diet if you are a aficionado of fad diets that come and go every year.

The second tip is a combined tip of exercise and discipline. Exercise regularly and exercise smart. Never ever give up. They say a habit is formed in 21 days and that means for the first 21 days you should attend to be disciplined and will exercise regularly. After 21 days it will become your habit and then you should strive for more and more strenuous exercises each day. If you have issues going to the gym try using home based equipment like Wii Fit or Yoga at home or cycling at home for doing some exercises at home. Increase the difficulty levels and you will see weight loss happening.

Hopefully these tips will help you reduce significant quantity amount over a period of time. Remember there is no magic formula.